3 things.

Three things running around in my head repetitively. Maybe if I put them down they’ll go away.

#1 the Emotional man

Remember Lion King?

I loved it. According to me, if you haven’t watched it, you haven’t lived. I kinda grew up with disney the thing is, they make it so bloody moving! I always cry when i watch lion king . Even now. I know a guy, he’s a daddy now. 30 something. And he still cries when Mufasa dies and Simba runs away Every Single Time he watches it with his 4 year old daughter.

There’s nothing wrong with showing your softer side, and women actually dig it.

#2 Retarded things Kids say

5 year old Danny walks up to me and Darkgale, his floppy hair flopping over his eyes.

“my sister’s a baaad person,” he says in his kiddie voice.

“Er..?”

“She says bad words,” he confides in us.

“Like??”

“Well… she said the S word. And…. the E word,” he said, hoping to see looks of horror on our faces. All we could manage was to look mildly puzzled.

Darkgale looks at me. “The ‘E’ word???” he inquires.

“You know…” Danny cuts in. “She said Stupid. And Idiot.”

o.O      wOOt??

#3 Another goodbye

My bestie comes over on Tuesday. Says she wants to have coffee and drags me downstairs. She sits me down. And tells me she’s leaving for Uni in 5 days.

You know when how sometimes when you recieve potentially bad news you kinda lose the ability to comprehend? So I said “oh. ok.” and continued to pour sugar in to the almost empty jar. I think I kinda left her hanging.

Then last night. It hit me. I sent her a text to tell her to stop packing cz I had decided she wasn’t going. But apparently it doesnt work like that.

Meh.

A smelly memory

the_memory

“A smell can bring on a flood of memories, influence people’s moods and even affect their work performance. Because the olfactory bulb is part of the brain’s limbic system, an area so closely associated with memory and feeling it’s sometimes called the “emotional brain,” smell can call up memories and powerful responses almost instantaneously.”

I used to have this moisturizer which smelled apparently like ‘ a mixture of Pol toffees and fruit salad’ according to someone.  Months later I found the bottle and picked it up and poured a tiny bit out onto my palm. I had switched moisturizers by that time and I had forgotten what it smelled like. I spread it out, and as the sweet smell hit me it took me back immediately to one person. A feeling of anticipation, and excitement, even though there was no logical reason for me to be feeling it right then. I realized it was because I was with someone at that point in my life, and before every meeting of ours, I would put on that moisturizer and get dressed in anticipation of being with him.

It just struck me as weird how accurate the feelings were. It was almost as if I was back there all over again. In the same setting. I could see everything the exact  way I did back then, and though the memories were good, it was a little disturbing.

I love the feeling though, when a smell connects me to a memory. I want to say I’m used to it happening by now, but every time it does, it still takes me by surprise. Sometimes to a bad relationship. Sometimes to a childhood memory. Sometimes painting face of my kid vividly in my mind.

The human body is a strange strange place. How it takes us by surprise by sometimes reacting even before we realize we’ve been burnt. How it buries memories that are too painful for us to deal with, or brings back with alarming clarity a certain event from our past.  Or how it  sends us warning signs when something on the inside is messed up.

I guess I’ll never fully understand or even care about the why and the how of it all. As long  as my body functions OK. But I’ve got to admit the human body is one amazing place.

Relive

www.subculture.carbonmade.com

Cold drops of water

against my bare skin.

I stepped into the cascading fall…

You stepped in behind me,

and wrapped your arms around me.

Run your hands along my naked back…

Pull me close.

Melt into me.

Breath in my ear -

Warm breath

on my cold skin.

~

i miss you.

***

Nosy fucking Relatives

I have them.

:S

Call it what you want to.

Life’s been a psychedelic blur the past  few weeks. I had been anticipating worst case scenarios for a long time, but everything was just mundane. And then life kinda took off on me like a rollercoaster – taking me to extreme highs and lows, where you have no choice but to hold on and hope it’ll end soon.

Things have mellowed down considerably now though, and I can honestly say things aren’t as bad as I expected them to be. It’s like fate is this practical joker.

Been off Kottu for a while now and I feel detached and can’t think of what the hell I even wanna put down here. I’m a mommy now, and have beautiful baby boy. SO  totally didn’t see that one coming. Seriously. Girls, if there’s any part of your body you value and call private, don’t do the whole child birth thing. Doctors poke their fingers up you without a second thought, and nurses squeeze your nipples like it’s their God given right.

On the brighter side though, I got my 1st wheel chair ride!! lol,  and being conscious while they cut me open was one surreal experience. I could feel every thing they did, pushing & pulling, and I could hear them cutting me, but I couldn’t feel pain. (which I guess was a SERIOUS blessing, cz when the anesthetic wore off, dude I wished I was dead.) But when I saw my kid for the 1st time… nothing can really explain that feeling. Nothing else mattered. I mean, I’ve seen moms get all teary eyed & sentimental about having their baby, and I’d think ‘god, get a life!’ lol…. and everything I went through beforehand was more than worth it for this little guy. But Best day of my life? SERIOUS understatement.

And then I almost missed the drama with ‘Neanderthal Booruwa’ (or Nutsack Bumblefuck, as someone hilariously named him) and PatheticPundit taking pot shots at bloggers who were waaaaaaaaay outta they’re league. oh well. They got owned.

Life keeps proving it’s nothing close to normal.

Good to be back I guess.