01.54 am

And I am awake.

i WAS asleep, and i planned on staying that way. But little man obviously had other plans. he fell fast asleep on the ride back home around 10pm and slept peacefully until 12. i kid u knot. (knot??) he woke up at 00.01 am, and has been awake since. Generally i get  super grumpy when this happens. cz MAN – i LOVE my SLEEP. but you know how music makes everything better? im listening to a mix of reggae/funk and it’s really working for me man! i could be like, shaking my bootay all over my room while josh takes down the net of his cot.  seriously. he’s 85% there already. Late in the Evening, and Sean Kingston, and a little bit of Bob. ahhh. Bob. Bob, Bob, Bob.

Marley i mean. not the builder.

Dunno how long i’ll be up but gosh i feel GOOD. which is a first considering that it’s THAT time of the month for me, and SHOULD <by all prior indication> be a grumpy freak show by now. score for me! the nets at 98% as of right now, and mr. man is 100% awake. Subject does NOT show signs of falling asleep any time soon. Subject also thinks it’s HILAAARIOUS when i poke my head around the PC to check if he’s doing ok, and giggles maniacally every time i do it, thinking im playing peek-a-boo with him. it’s 2 in the goddamn morning! what bloody peekaboo! I’m gonna go rig the net up at 50% again so he can pull it down again, and if that doesn’t work I’m gonna dance around a bit with him to Me Love.

Good night if you’re still awake, and good morning if the sun is shining.

****** * ******

3.10 am

it’s 3.10am and he JUST fell asleep with Norah Jones crooning something about being someones baby tonight. Sigh. tired n grumpy kicked in finally, and waking up’s gonna be a bitch.

nighty night.

journey

Highways_of_life_by_bepop

~

I’m surrounded by people who love to tell me that if I’ve made one mistake then I’m screwed for life.

But I like to think otherwise.

One bad decision doesnt make me or break me.

It’s a series of choices that get me from A to B.

Just because I make a wrong turn doesnt mean I get out of my car and dig myself a grave because I’m never going to get to my destination.

There is always an alternative route.

Always a  shortcut I can take.

Always a detour.

My journey doesn’t end  until my car breaks down.

And even then – who says it’s really over?

The passengers do – the people in my life who observe while I drive.

And it would help if they didn’t scream ‘YOU’RE GONNA DIEEEEeeeee!!!’ every time I hit a pothole.

Because I AM gonna make it. With – or without them.

~

Reminisce

Alone at work.

Remembering how

I got to know your body.

behind closed doors with the lights out.

with Love bites & carpet burns.

We were reckless.

We were relentless.

We were happy.

I want every time

to be our first time.

<3

bloody elections

real whopper this one’s turning out to be!

See, I wasn’t allowed to vote yesterday. I lost my ID ages ago – so now i have a temp ID, signed by the Graama Sevaka Dude and it’s perfectly functional, just till i get my new ID done. So I took this along and they took one look at it and said I wasn’t allowed to vote with it. My passport & drivers licence are disfunctional and non-existent respectively, and voting was out of the question. Not debatable. And i was PISSED. I dunno much about politics but I wanted to vote, seeings as this time it was crucial and every vote counts. But that’s the fucking beauty of it. It wouldn’t have made a difference if i DID vote! It was all rigged anyways!

Bloody cheap tricks. *gngngngnn*

the strepsil

The strepsil quivered with excitement. It always did. Every single time the human coughed an “oh god i need aa strepsil*hack-wheeze-cough*” and reached for her bag. The others always got picked. He never knew when it would be his time. his time to slowly dissolve in a pool of saliva in the humans mouth, and accomplish his lifes purpose. THAT was why he was here.

Today was his day.  He heard the foil crackle, and felt a brush of the humans nail as it ripped the foil off, and he tumbled on to her palm.He would breathe in the fresh air if he could, but they hadnt given him a nose. or a mouth. he was but a faceless pill, engineered to bring swift relief to the human  sore throat.

He looked dead ahead,  in to the deep  black hole that was to bring him certain death. He had never been more ready in his life.

The human popped him lightly in to her mouth and rolled him around her tongue, that soft pink cushion which would become his death bed. he settled in to a comfortable little nook, but he rose and fell with the tongue, every time she swallowed. he felt his life draining little by little, surely the human must feel all minty by now. he closed his metaphorical eyes and prepared to slowly disappear leaving nothing but a red stain on that pink tongue.

Suddenly he felt himself rising. The tongue was   moving in a way he had not anticipated and in the blink of an eye – a single reflex – he had been tipped over the edge of the humans throat. “Nooooo” his mind screamed. “Im not supposed to die this way!!” He tried to grab something but alas, thay hadnt given him hands either. the bastards.  He was falling over the edge of this waterfall -  almost in slo mo… and then it happened. he got stuck. like a survivor clinging to a twig over the side of the waterfall. below him darkness engulfed all. above him were flashes of lightning, everytime the human opened her mouth. She knew he was there, lodged in her throat, and his whole world vibrated  each time she cleared it and coughed, determined to send him to that j shaped, expandable bag – the Stomach. Wave after wave of viscous  saliva, water from above, washed over him, all the while draining him of him minty healing qualities, and he feared he could hold on no longer. he was slipping. It wasnt supposed to end like this, he thought, as he let that  wave of liquid hit him and knock him unconscious. he traveled in a slow haze down the humans dark esophagus, and didnt even feel the pressure ease up as he entered the Stomach, or that his destiny had been altered. He floated down peacefully amidst digestive fluids & the remnants of what the human called a cheese burger. What was left of him would go quickly and painlessly. His quest was over.

*based on a true story.

**and induced by an overdose of cough syrup.

on the way to work

A picture post. Taken out of the back of a tuk tuk. Not the best of pics, but it says more about life than i could probably put into one blog post. I wanted desperately to catch a  yawning cop or a lovers quarrel @ a bus stand, but what to do. anyways I haven’t posted in a while cz life’s all busy! and in spite of that fact, January is inching along at snails pace, it seems to me.  I want to go live on Pandora, it’s just so fucking gorgeous and peaceful. I want to ride one of those birdie things, but if you know me, you’d probably say I’d break it’s back. *sigh*borg. That’s it for now i think. Do yourself a favour and take friday off. You deserve it

*hugs*

new years fail

The last couple of hours of 2009 pass me by. Last year i was so in over my head, what with the baby coming & stuff, that i couldn’t even picture this year happening. And now it’s over. If there’s one thing ‘09 taught me – it’s to expect the unexpected, as cliche’d as that may be.  and as 2012 DAMMIT i mean 2010 looms ahead i have one massive decision to make. Do i chop my hair off, or do i straighten it all out? i know it’s completely vain, but Grr. My hair’s never been the obedient sort. It’s got a will of it’s own, and it NEVER fails to seize an opportunity to prove it to me! almost every day is  a bad hair day and so, for the past few months t’ve resorted to tying it up in a bun so that it has no chance of going all Einstein-ey on me. No plans whatsoever for tonight – but i shall play it by ear, and hopefully it shall not be a total fl

Ok so thats where i stopped my Pre New Years Post. I dunno why, but I suddenly up and quit it. Well i DID go out last night. And got a leeetle high, and you know how this morning ended for me? I was taken home in a piriton induced comatose state.  :S

So heres the deal right. Everyone knows i go a little goo goo every time a see a dog. Even if it’s a common paraya. They just make me go coochie coo naa naaaa @ them. I can’t really explain it. :S So There was this ADOOOOOOORable jet black Lab named Izzy.  It’s just the way she looked at you – ears cocked, eyes wide, head tilted to the side… you couldn’t NOT hug her, know what i mean? So that’s what i did. She was so cuddleable – I hugged her until i could hug no more. My cheek started itching and fuzz happened to mention something in passing about my fur allergies, but i paid no attention, mostly cz i couldn’t keep a straight face by that time anyways. And on top of it all, I had a few puffs off a  cigarette.  Four puffs off a “Golden Leaf”, as some may call it. And i think that tipped me over the edge.

It’s fucking weak i know. But I’d stopped smoking since I started singing again, & the combination of doggie fur & smoke in my lungs just didn’t work. My ears nose ant throat were all blocked & I wound up having to be driven to Durdens at 6 in the morning, and have oxygen pumped into my lungs, and a massive dose of Piriton injected into my veins. Via a cannula. Blah.

I totally passed out on the way home.

Anyways the whole thing deserves a big fat FAIL. Not the perfect way to dawn the New Year, but hey. I’m ok. In fact if that isn’t the story of my life i dunno what is. Shit Happens, But You’ll Be OK. Besides, i got to spend NYE with my two favourite people, and what more could I ask for than that   This year I’m gonna make it happen. I know it. I can just smell good things in the air. I’m gonna live on Positive Thinking. Eat, drink & sleep it. Kiss, Caress & make Love to it. You get the idea.

So to sum it all up, i just wanna wish you guys a super brand  spanking new year. and if life gets you down – keep on getting back up. <3  & hugs

Oh PS – decide that im gonna straighten out the hair. Not worth chopping it all off

tattooed

SO

Remember how i blogged about getting another tattoo here and here? Well. I FINALLY decided to get it done. This is just a quicky post, simply cz i just cannot keep this to myself

So i walk in and decided to chuck the whole phoenix stint right out the window. I saw this amazing pic of a pegasus, and i fell in love with it cz i wanted something with wings, although the pink WAS more than slightly gay. and after debating about it for a while with Impett, i decided that i wanted the pegasus in black, with the mane & tail and what not on fire. And thats what i decided to go with.

The tat took about 2 hours, and was relatively painless. :/ yeah it did feel weird @ the very least but the last bits, right at the end,  when he was shading and stuff hurt quite a bit.

It’s almost healed now, and PS – though theres a big fat 12 K next to the pic, Bernie took a look at it & said, “For you noh baby. 5K.”

Here’s what it looks like now.

Sigh – so thats it. My Christmas Present to me.

sometimes i feel dys-funk-shanal.

Artist’s Comments : Raw egg series [1] -[The egg ''finished'' before it's partner]

sigh -im soooo tired – but here i sit, typing an back-spacing nonsense repeatedly.

I’ve been stretching myself a little over the top lately, with a job, a kid and an extra job (a great extra job) it’s late nights, and late nights mean not much sleep, and not much sleep – for me – means one thing. BITCH MODE. I dunno why, and there’s probably a scientific explanation as to why one becomes a grumpy old fart when one is deprived of that much beloved sleep, but i do find myself getting agitated for the slightest thing, even when I’m late, and for me that’s a first. i mean, i’m generally a laid back person, and i don’t easily get pissed off.  (yes, I save that for ’special people’.) I have these days where I just for the life of me cannot decide what to wear!!! Does that ever happen to you? I change in and out of about 10 outfits and by that time my tuk tuk has arrived and then in a panic I pick the WORST combination and go with it and then spend the rest of the day obsessing about the fact that i shouldn’t have worn brown and black, or that top which shows WAY too much cleavage, or those broken shoes I’ve been meaning to replace.

meh.

Speaking of broken shoes, DUDE – i slipped on a spiral staircase and twisted my ankle. life is just One Big Surprise,I tell ya.   (Although I was on the way to collect a pay packet of sorts, so it kinda nullified the negative energy.) anyway the point is : it hurtssss! i hope it gets better soon.

Also : I’m socially awkward. I dunno if that’s the term, but what the hell, that’s what I’m going with. I’ve always been a bit of a loner – im shy – and it’s weird because people don’t think that i am! it’s probably cz im loud and i laugh a lot, and i do talk to people but the truth is, I’m kinda terrified of meeting new people. I’m one of those people who take out their phone and twiddle with it for no reason just to avoid eye contact & awkward silences, and i mean how fucking weird is THAT? When I DO finally get talking I wind up talking a lot, really fast and making a dumb joke and laughing at it myself and hey presto! – we have a one-way convo, where the other person just stands there looking scared.

I need help.

But then again don’t we all.

i’m freaked out O_O

ok this is it. im never watching a scary movie  ever again. EVER.

I try to avoid anything scary at all times but I watched paranormal activity today, & though i tried to act all brave cz the people around me were  on about how it’s not all that scary, i was constantly looking over my shoulder and into the shadows.

It doesn’t take much to freak me out, and to date i never sleep with the lights turned off and i have mini heart attacks when the power goes out at night and i’m alone. i hate having this feeling that somethings out there and what not. if you haven’t seen it yet i’m not gonna tell you about it – but it’s made to look like it could happen to you, therefore making it a little more real and a lot more scary.

I’m home now and im a freaked.

ok.

very freaked.

kinda.

and i don’t wanna fall asleep but im tired.

Is there anything i can do to get over this fear thing? :/ And don’t tell me to grow up and get a life cz lets be realistic. that shit is never gonna happen. Perhaps i need to stop taking Hollywood so seriously.

EDIT  :

ok so i did fall asleep – with difficulty, mind you – and there were no nightmares. Although i did dream about how two really close friends took topless pictures of me (have  to mention here that they were classic black n whites) on a whim and later uploaded them on facebook. O_O  what the fucket. it’s “nightmare” on an entirely different level. my tits did look perfect in the dream though, the perfect shape and bouncy big n just round enough to make you drool a wee bit… but that may be due to own obsession with them. my tits i mean. please ignore that.

off to try n sleep again.

Adieu.