:D

Sach, I just couldnt resist the urge to post this!

OI!

You! 16 year old bugger! I’m you – only older.  I know it’s confusing but that state of mind isn’t really gonna change over the next couple of years so I shall not bother with that. It must be traumatic being you, noh? 16 and in a hormonal rush of teenage angst? *sigh* I remember those days, and darling, i don’t envy you.

Firstly – SCIENCE for A/Ls? WTF? I know you didn’t wanna upset your parents by swimming against their tide, but dont do it. Do arts literature business ANYTHING.  It’s not gonna do anything for you. Although following the science stream will give you ample time to draw huge cartoons on the blackboards.

Before you turn 17, watch out for  a tall fair goofball with floppy brown hair. He’s gonna make you feel oh-so-adventurous, and then break your heart and your body into a million pieces and you wont be able to fix it. yesh, really. Oh shut up, i know what im talking about. NO QUESTIONS. yes I’m stubborn, but so are you- especially with the parents. You know when you were little and they said that SOMEDAY you’d only have them to fall back on when things really got tough? Dont bad mouth and Roll your eyes, cz babe,  they’re gonna prove it to you when you fuck up pret-ty soon. No matter how bad things are with dad, he’s gonna take care of you. And then you’re gonna look like a royal jackass.

Ah, Career. your first job is gonna be awesome. It’s gonna  teach you a lot and your gonna have a ball learning on the go. But Life lesson #2. Work and Pleasure DO NOT MIX. (I say #2 because #1 is LEARN TO SAY NO.) And woman. Whatever you do – USE PROTECTION. It’s not really that hard to do.

2008 is gonna turn your life upside down, but you’re gonna make it through and make the right decisions. I know you think that life is never gonna look up for you, but it will. Your gonna make ALL the wrong choices before you learn your lessons, believe me. But you’re gonna be ok, because you have good people in your life. I’m gonna tell you now, you’re gonna have to work hard to get good, but you’re also gonna have Josh, whose gonna be you’re reality check. Who’s Josh? oh HONEY. You’ll find out. (Such a tease, noh? you should know.)

hm… Learn to be Street Smart, don’t trust people blindly, and don’t obsess about your insecurities. And always think positive cz thats gonna get you through the day.  Shut uppppp i am not preachingggg! Fine, I’m going. Say hi to the floppy haired fellow for me. I know you too well.

*hugs*

Unsilent & Tubelight? TAG. YOU’RE IT.and a BIG thank you to chavie for the tag.

if you dont know when to say ‘No’…

…you’re gonna wind up being someones midlife crisis.

4 am.

*WARNING – this post is not going to make sense to you.*  OOh. and beware of typos.

You may preoceed.

#1

its four in the bloody morning men and theres a RAT. in my ROOM.  well there was, anyway. I managed to death stare it out of my room, yes i am THAT powerful. who am i kidding. i picked josh up, screamed and ran, and then tip toed back to switch on the lights and the bugger was staring at me from the wooden panels above the window (i knwo they have a proper name but i have noooo idea what it is.0) fudge bucket. yesh so s actually stood at the doorway and yelled at it a few times. like “GO!” or… “SHOO, u BUGGER!”and finall it left the room.

#2

Aiyo! lots been going on men. Im not creative. time to start looking for alternatives or something to inspire me. I hate the work ive been doing and the thing is i know i can do work thats so much better, but im stuck, my brain is giving up on me. Lifes getting hard now, and my whole systems struggling to adapt to it, i’m getting all rebellious and indecisive and i hate it.

#3

someone recently said something to me which may actually have been obvious to the world at large and i had seriously not thought about it that way in ages. He said “relationships dont have to be about sex.  If you really love each other you should be able to not have sex and be ok with that.”  is it true? There was a time in my life when i idealized just the way he does, and i think thats one of the reasons i enjoy his company that much. he reminds me of the way i used to think before my life exploded in front of me. he’s great. he sings to me and BOY do i I love being sung to. I mean who doesn’t?

#4

i dont ever want to be tagged as a ‘mistake’ in someones life. I’m moving on now. I have to force myself. but Im moving on. Lifes too short. When did i have to start have to apologize for doing things that i love to do, that i WANT to do?

#5

complete blah post. this is not going to make sense. just typing out shit that in my fully awake state i would never type and hit publish. but then again e actually saying that makes me sound more conscious than i really want to appear therefore make\ing this seem like a highly pre-meditated post of jelly bellies and care bears. I should put a warning at the top just in case someone dies of boredom in the midst of reading this. that. would be. uncool. I should probably go now. *yawn* or I’ll never wake up in time for work tomorrow.

sigh

i think im……. just… gonna *zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

tagged in ‘Self Combustion’

The rooftop has become my new favourite place to be.  Above the rush of traffic and the distant roar of engines, vehicles taking people to places to get things done – that mid-morning rush on a completely useless day at work – sometimes you need an escape route, even if you’re tying to escape from nothing at all. I look down over the edge and see ant-people inching along ; focused on getting there. God knows where, but they’re  getting there. I sit on a ledge, and stare blanky ahead, smoke billowing, at the weather beaten black floor. it’s bright as hell out, but it’s drizzling. lightly. as i give in to the waves of disorientation i see the stains that minute raindrops make as they hit the floor. For each raindrop that fell three stains dissappeared. Evaporated. Making it look as thought he floor were a living being. breathing. alive. surreal.clouds passed overhead. shade. shine. darkness. light. so surreal. Life was just so surreal. You might as well be a passing cloud yourself just drifting along blissfully – till one day… on bright sunny day, you evaporate too.

right now…

…I’m sitting in the blackness at work and the only light emanates from the glowing monitors in front of me and all around me. It’s not even late, but everyone @ office prefers to sit around in the semi-darkness with house music playing in the background.  isstrange.

sometimes u have tons of shit to blog about and sometimes you have squat. Zero. Zilch. I’m feeling like that – nothing worth while to blog about but i still want to blog. bulldogs butthole. let me start with the fact that I hate my current header. I dunno. I just dont like it. It seemed like a good idea while I was doing it and now it’s just blah.

I’ve fallen in love with the colour purple. They tell me purple is for fags. I don’t care.

I want to make resolutions. I never do at New Years, And Since I just turned 21 i thought I should. And my resolution is to try to be more mature this up coming year. To try to control my temper. To try not to be petty. To love. Completely. 

To find God. You know, Jesus must have been a pretty dynamic, witty, charming, people-person if  he managed to build up a following of thousands. Dontcha think? Why then do we file silently into pews to mindlessly utter  prayers that have been ingrained into our subconscious while painstakingly trying to keep our masks of piety on? I want to know that witty side of God. The fun side of him. To know him like a friend, if he’s out there.

Oh well that’s about it. Like… beside the uncle in the showroom downstairs asking me “Darling, do u like older men?” I felt like saying “Yes,but only if they’re good-looking.” but I controlled myself.

yes, thats about it really. Hope u guys had a good week. Hopefully my “thinkers block” will pass. Quickly.

His smile

What happiness looks like (I)

This morning…

I was at Bamba flats this morning  in a rushed up bid to tame my wild eyebrows and i was early. Half an hour early. So i bought myself a yogurt and reloaded my phone and stood around the entrance of the salon which was padlocked shut. I tried not to look around too much because I tend to get a little creeped out when people stare at me without smiling, which is what they were doing.

I see a man-boy with highlights in his hair watching me intently as he puffed on a gold leaf. I return his gaze and in my head – I dare him to approach me. He doesn’t. An elderly lady walks by and smiles sympathetically asking in passing if I was waiting for the salon. I nod in reply and she passes me by.  A burgher aunty is buying her veggies  from a stall near by making a racket about the price of potatoes these days.

Then this old man walks up to me. All sarong, shirt and siri siri bag, and asks for money. I reply that I don’t have change and he says he doesn’t even have money to buy tea.  So I offer him my lunch packet and he pockets it without a 2nd thought.

I look away but he’s still standing there.

“What about money for the bus?’he asks. And in my head I think, “fuck you. I’m not obligated to give you money, now am I?” I just stared at him and he went on to say how he needed to go to Dematagoda and I just parroted out the no change story and he walked off mumbling to himself.

I wasn’t in a nasty mood this morning, and I didn’t want the guy to come on bended knee and beg piteously for the money either.  It just reminded me of all the people out there who were genuinely suffering while some bastards are just too lazy to get a fucking job and mooch around begging for money just to fuel their addictions. I got irritated at the thought of the street people who, when offered a 5 rupee coin, throw it back at the person who gave it to them, grumbling that they may as well keep their crummy 5 rs.

I know this post sounds mean, but I’m all for helping people, I really am. I just don’t appreciate people demanding money off me. I don’t think anyone would. Is it just a superiority complex on my part? I don’t know. I don’t think so.

I dunno.

love

For Fuzz, Josh, The Tubelight, The Peach and The Great clueless One. The loves of my life.

Angel – by K

Angel__by_zoxor

I was looking through an old bible today which I haven’t opened in about a year or so & I saw how many memories I had tucked away inside it. Photos of friends and family, quirky little cards from best friends and boyfriends. And amongst the memorabilia I found this. I poem written for me by a long lost friend. This person helped me out through an mammoth emotional struggle in my life. We haven’t spoken in years, but I’m glad I saved this seemingly insignificant piece of exercise paper.

***

Angel

After an entire day of work

in my bed I lay

thoughts were flowing in my mind

and a dream came my way!

I saw this sweet angel

As sweet an tender as one could be

Bringing joy to my heart

Her acts were so care free

As I went closer and closer

wanting to be by her side

Oh! that image which brought joy to others

Had so much sadness tucked inside

I saw her eyes heavy

Trying to prove that she’s fine

But how can I simply let go of her

This cute angel of mine

Her pain was unending

Surely too hard to bear

But I know that I could love her

Making her feel that I really care

How could all this happen to her

That’s probably why she looked an angel in my eyes

So that God would hold and be with her

To help her make the right choice

The warmth of sun rays touch my face

I guess it’s time for day break

My dream might be over

But I know this angel can’t be fake

Coz an Angel remains an Angel

Even when this Earth begins to shake.

***

By K

We were both kids when this was written and I know I’m stronger now, for every bit of care, and every kind word K said to me.

I can’t really describe the feeling of having someone pour out their emotion and passion into a lyric, or a song for you. It always leaves me feeling breathless. And loved.

I miss K.